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Is this really "recovering"?

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Registreringsdatum: 04 mars 2008
Inlägg: 1

InläggPostat: 2008-03-04 19:55:40    Rubrik: Is this really "recovering"? Svara med citat

I am in Minnesota. I met a man from Stockholm in 1996 over the internet. He came here to visit 6 times and me there once over 8-1/2 years and we had almost daily contact by phone, email or regular mail, except for times he would disappear into alcoholism and hospital stays. My visit there in 2001 was a nightmare, as things happening such as this woman walking right into the flat twice and he did nothing about it. All types of crazy things happened. I did not know what a severe drinking problem he had until I was in Stockholm. He disappeared several times more after I returned home. In 2004, he contacted me again saying he was involved in Mariedal Links group and was going to get and stay sober and treat me the way he always should have. He promised, gave me his word and swore on his Mother's grave we would get together again. I gave him 1-1/2 years to get on the right track and waited to be able to make plans for a time together. I have heart enough to think when someone says those kinds of things, they must be sincere. I knew he was seeing a cognitive therapy counselor. Suddenly, I could see he was just giving me nonsense and wasting time, so I got more and more angry. Next thing I know he cut me off, threatening me if I contacted him and he's living with his wife. He was married all the time I knew him, but he always denied it. He lied about everything. He has been sober 3 years now as far as I know, "works" at Kustbohemmet. He never spoke to me honestly, explained what was going on or even said goodbye. Just expertly hiding & threatening someone who once truly loved him. I did love him, but I reminded him of bad things he had done to me while drinking when he became sober and I felt he should face those things. I didn't think I needed to baby him. It was up to him to show me. His wife had someone else's kid in 1987 and he came here to be with me 6 times. They never had anything in common but drinking and sex. He did mention she was sober now, too. He told me that I reminded him of a dark period in his life he wanted to forget. !!
My real questions are: Is it really being sober, healthy and recovering when you will do anything to hide from the terrible things you did to hurt other people while drunk? What kind of counselors in Stockholm actually condone this behavior and, also, advise someone to continue on in a damaged marriage like the one described above? Of course, he would never tell the truth to anyone about what exactly has gone on in the marriage. Is someone like this fooling themself? How long can they possibly remain sober by trying to "forget" everything they did, and how long will this ridiculous excuse for a marriage survive? Any statistics?
I'd really appreciate any input by any and all with experience, wisdom and many years of decent, honest sobriety or knowing someone with same.[/list]
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Registreringsdatum: 27 november 2007
Inlägg: 45
Ort: Stockholm

InläggPostat: 2008-03-04 23:51:51    Rubrik: Svara med citat

he is obviously really bad for you.

yes, he is indeed fooling himself
and everybody else for that matter

try to forget about him, and dont look back
he seems to be a real bastard,
you´d do better without him, i´m sure

sorry if im cynacial,
but theres is nothing good in what you said about him
he is sick and needs alot of help
but he has to want to be help - he cannot be forced
”live long and prosper”
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